Someone significant to us dies and we are overcome with grief. It is one of the most profound personal experiences we share. Despite the significance of loss and the fact that grief is an essential part of our humanity, attempting to avoid grief is common. Too often fear and lack of understanding hinders our healthy process of mourning and easing of the pain. Grief is pain. Many would say excruciating pain. But it is not meaningless pain, and it is much more than pain.
The purpose of this website is to provide helpful information about the many aspects of loss and grief. The information will help you endure the painful, disruptive experience of grief while you accommodate to the reality of the death, adapt to the absence of the deceased, and come to a time when your life is not defined by the loss and grief. You can select from several topics to read, and you can purchase my booklet if you want a paper copy of concise information. I suggest starting with Definitions. It distinguishes the grief you are experiencing from mourning during a period of bereavement.
I do not promote “closure”, “moving on”, “getting over it”, and “getting on with your life”. These are code words for acting as if you are not affected, coaxing you to leave this essential experience unattended as if it has no value. I promote understanding the complex experience of grief and the process of healthy mourning. This results in acceptance of the current reality and diminished pain. It fosters a lasting memory of the person who died and the meaningfulness of life shared. I promote integration instead of closure. Integration of the experience, which increases understanding of our essential nature in the context of the world we live in. Our painful grief takes on cherished meaning when we honor the importance of life shared, and expands our knowledge of self and the world in a way that enhances our experience of living.
The normal course of life brings loss and grief to everyone. It is painful and disruptive. It can feel foreign and confusing. The purpose of this website is to help you understand grief, and facilitate your thinking about what will help you and others during bereavement.
Much of my professional life has been in service to people going through a difficult period of grieving. Contrary to being depressing or demoralizing, it has enriched my life and reinforced my faith in the human process of grieving. It is my sincere hope that you too will find that designating time and place for your grief will diminish your pain and help you accept and adjust to the death of your family member or friend.
